David Brooks: Obama Just Keeps Getting More and More Perfect All the Time

David Brooks reveals that yes, he really is a Democrat.

Something about a magic green jacket that allows him to think like the Democrat he used to be.

When I put on that magic jacket today, I feel beleaguered but kind of satisfied. I feel beleaguered because the political winds are blowing so ferociously against “my” party. But I feel satisfied because the Democrats have overseen a bunch of programs that, while unappreciated now, are probably going to do a lot of good in the long run.

Obama has done everything right!

It’s just that people are too stupid to realize it. But just you wait, mister. All of this massive government debt and fighting with business and slobbering over our foreign enemies is really a beautiful plan that will cause rainbows to sprout out all over the land – in ten, or twenty, or thirty years.

No, really.

So I sit there in my magic green jacket and I wonder: What can my party do to avoid the big government tag that always leads to catastrophe? Then I remember President Obama’s vow to move us beyond the stale old debates. Maybe he couldn’t really do that in the first phase of his presidency when he was busy responding to the economic crisis, but perhaps he can do it now in the second phase.

Yeah, that’s it. That’s the ticket. It’s all a master plan – remember, Obama  is a genius and can see much more of the universe than even the Hubble Space Telescope. Really, he needed to appear to screw everything up in the first couple of years, only to show us in the next 2 that it was a masterful, thought out plan.

Yeah, stale old debates – shame on them. Debates around prosperity for the country – and jobs. Pffft! Who needs prosperity and jobs? We need eco-communities and innovation centers and government helping each and every one. Happy shiny children all joining hands and singing. Singing because Obama has made their lives perfect. There won’t be any more arguments and there won’t be any more fighting. This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, Age of Aquarius – A- Quarr- eeeeee – usssssss.

It occurs to me that the Obama administration has done a number of (widely neglected) things that scramble the conventional categories and that are good policy besides. The administration has championed some potentially revolutionary education reforms. It has significantly increased investments in basic research. It has promoted energy innovation and helped entrepreneurs find new battery technologies. It has invested in infrastructure — not only roads and bridges, but also information-age infrastructure like the broadband spectrum.

And so we got brand new parking lots for government employees. Brand new fountains outside of city hall. A stairway up the cliffs that would have been built anyway. Sidewalks that go on for miles and have no people on them. He’s investing in infrastructure. China has lots more unused sidewalk than we do; we must keep up.

These accomplishments aren’t big government versus small government; they’re using government to help set a context for private sector risk-taking and community initiative. They cut through the culture war that is now brewing between the Obama administration and the business community.

Yeah, business sees how wonderful unicorns and baby ducklings are. That’s why they refuse to spend any money right now. If you want it, War is Over! Obama is cutting right through those stale old debates about money. He has cut right through. (He’s a magic man)

They also address the core anxiety now afflicting the public. It’s not only short-term unemployment that bothers people. What really scares people is the sense that we’re frittering away our wealth. Americans fear we’re a nation in decline.

Yes, we will have millions and millions and millions and millions of jobs in green industries. So, when the federal government collapses from its debt, we don’t worry. We know the Great Leader loves us and that everything is getting better every day. We will be making our windmills. Windmills and solar panels. We will have too many jobs – in fact, there will be so many jobs that we can burn the excess in eco-friendly burners that will make even more energy out of those stale old extra jobs. 

These long-term problems, Obama could say, won’t be solved either with centralized government or free market laissez-faire. Just as government laid railroads and built land grant colleges in the 19th century to foster deep growth, the government today should be doing the modern equivalents.

That’s right – the 1800’s were really times of massive government control of the economy. That’s why it grew so fast. Remember – the steam locomotive would never have been invented had it not been for the NALA  (National Advanced Locomotive Administration) The steamboat, and the electric light, and TV and radio, and the car and so many more – all because government decided to fund necessary research.

More government makes everything better. Obama is above the centralized government crowd. He is also above the free market crowd.

He is like a god.

And everything is going just great.



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